Disequilibrium

My favorite series of child development books, called Your One-Year-Old, Your Two-Year-Old, etc..., published by the Gessell Developmental folks, assert that about every 6 months for the first 5 years, children hit a point of disequilibrium. This means that their cognitive, language, emotional, and physical skills aren't all in sync, and for a time, this shows up in all kids of maladjustment to the world.

In our house, we are experiencing disequilibrium right now. It started a week or so ago when suddenly, D began having trouble falling asleep at night. His previously reliable routine of being put to bed at 7:30, playing for a few minutes, and then sleeping for the rest of the night was replaced by being put to bed at 7:30, playing for a couple of hours, needing some intervention from Mommy and Daddy, finally falling asleep at 9 or 10, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night, and then waking up by 6:30 every morning. This results in a tired, cranky three year old who can be, for the first time in several months, convinced to nap in the afternoon, the nap then kicking off the same cycle at bedtime.

Disequilibrium also means that D is incredibly hungry right now. As soon as a meal is over, he begins asking for more food. He needs snack before we leave in the mornings to do whatever outing is planned, snack on the way there, snack while we're there, snack on the way home, and lunch when we arrive at home. He is ravenous and willing to eat whatever I will give him, which convinces me it is not a ploy for junk food, as most of what I'm offering between meals is a steady flow of fruit, cheese, and Cheerios.

But disequilibrium also has a much darker side. It means he wakes up in the morning literally having a temper tantrum as he awakens. Once finally settled and filled with food, he relaxes for some play, but as the morning begins, he is particularly aggressive with his sister and is for the first time sneaky about attacking when my back is turned. Once I find separate activities for my two offspring, he settles in for a bit. Then something imperceptible to me but earth-shattering to him happens... his toy train hits a bump, he can't find the purple egg, the wind blows the wrong way... and the immediacy and extent of his rage and frustration is shocking to me. He throws things. He yells. He uses the worst words he knows; "poopy" and "No, Mama" are about all he has to offer in this department, but he means them as if they were the worst words I know. He won't obey. He hits Z on his way to time-out. He hurls things on the way to his room.

When I finish taking a deep breath and praying for God's insight into this tornado that is my child, I walk into his room, and the still, small voice tells me to pull him onto my lap. To talk quietly and with understanding. To affirm that it's hard to obey. To talk about options for handling frustration. To tell him I love him. To pray with him for Jesus's help in making good choices.

I don't want to validate his extreme, inappropriate behavior. I'll keep sending him to time-out and to his room when he loses control. Part of me wants to yell and scream and spank. Yet it's clear to me that this season of disequilibrium is also a season of growth. So I'm just praying for the wisdom to guide him gently, patiently, firmly through this season without being driven to throw things myself.